Odyssey Of Gay Devotees
GM lived with a man for 7 years in Manhattan.. who was unfaithful to her...she gravitated out of self protection into women's movements where through contact with gay radical feminists she became gay. She composed poetry and read it over WBAI. Her life was still full of pain.. One day she saw a picture of Baba on a book and was drawn to it.. she mentally said to Baba that He could be her goddess. That began 4 years of celibacy.She made more than l trip to Puttaparthi..toward the end of her 4th year of abstinence..she had an interview with Swami. He told her to go to Arkansas... she knew no one there..but she obeyed.. A Sai devotee gave her a number to call...and that began the journey to meeting her husband. They have been married for 20 years and have 2 daughters.
SS, a male, was gay. He had only l relationship.. a short one of a few months.. Upon becoming a follower of Sai Baba he began again his celibacy.. and for the last 30 years has continued his monk's life. He was, he says, a Jesuit priest in the 19th century, and contemptuous in that life of those with sexual drive. He feels that he was given a brief bit of karma with gay lifestyle in order to be more understanding. Once after many years of celibacy, he had a dream in which Baba
was barred from entering his apartment by a slender lavender thread across the door. He knew Baba was telling him that though his actions were in accord with ancient dharma, his
thoughts at that time were not always aligned.
Several other devotees were gay for a while..before becoming devotees.. they gradually felt through the years their polarity changing. Baba's teachings emphasize fidelity, nonviolence, truth and righteousness.
SS, a male, was gay. He had only l relationship.. a short one of a few months.. Upon becoming a follower of Sai Baba he began again his celibacy.. and for the last 30 years has continued his monk's life. He was, he says, a Jesuit priest in the 19th century, and contemptuous in that life of those with sexual drive. He feels that he was given a brief bit of karma with gay lifestyle in order to be more understanding. Once after many years of celibacy, he had a dream in which Baba
was barred from entering his apartment by a slender lavender thread across the door. He knew Baba was telling him that though his actions were in accord with ancient dharma, his
thoughts at that time were not always aligned.
Several other devotees were gay for a while..before becoming devotees.. they gradually felt through the years their polarity changing. Baba's teachings emphasize fidelity, nonviolence, truth and righteousness.
posted by Ahimsa Network at 19.7.05
8 Comments:
Well what can I say to the above? My experience has been quite different.
I realized I was gay around the age of 13 tho my sexual thoughts started much younger. At the start I had heterosexual thoughts which gradually became gay. I don’t know why this happened but it did. Never in my life during those days did I ever think that my desires were immoral. To me it was so beautiful to be connected to another human being (who happened to be of the same gender). I was living in Africa (I am of sub continent origin) where homosexuality was not really talked about. It was a non issue. At the age of 13 my parents moved us to Australia where I was to remain to date. During my early years in Oz I became more and more attracted to men. My tender heart wanted to love someone even at such an early age. There were many opportunities but for one reason or another I could not approach the object of my heart, mainly thru fear. I quickly became very depressed. I only wanted to love someone, but it looked like this was not to be.
Then at the age of 16 an event of sorts changed my life (unfortunately not for the better). I had my first sexual experience. Unfortunately it was in a public toilet. I felt terrible after that experience but it left a taste for sex in me. From that day on I indulged in sexual acts which I am so disgusted by. As time went on I needed to do more extreme acts to get satisfied. That innocence was all but gone. That desire to love someone was still very strong inside me but it was alleviated (and perhaps surpressed) somewhat by physical contact. I wanted so badly to find and experience my true love, that I used sex as an approximation, as well as to relieve my tension.
At the age of 20 (or thereabouts) a close friend of mine asked me to accompany him to see Sai Baba. I had heard of him but did not give him much thought. I was interested in eastern philosophy. Anyway I wanted a holiday and so I went with him. Deep inside, I also hoped that Sai Baba might provide some respite to my problems and (naively) thought that he might guide me to my true love. Over the next few years I became a devotee (?) of Swami. My problems and desires still persisted. But there was always hope.
At the age of 23 (or thereabouts) I met my Guru, who I feel I was guided to by Baba. My Guru is also of sub continental origin and is quite conservative. Being my Guru, I eventually told him that I was gay. His reaction was horrifying. He said it was wrong and immoral and everything you might expect a conservative person to say. I was devastated. I never in the deepest regions of my heart felt that loving another man was wrong. I was never happy deep inside about my sexual activities which had become quite extreme by then. However I never imagined that loving another man could be wrong. It felt so right to me; such a beautiful thing. Anyway over time my Guru became more accommodating. But he still maintained it was Adharma. You can imagine my hurt and confusion. He gave two alternatives, one to get married or two join an ashram. The first, I would consider Adharma. Can you imagine asking a girl to marry a gay man? The second was such a depressing thought, I would have rather died.
I am now 34. My situation has not changed. I am as confused and lonely as ever. How can something so beautiful to me, be considered a sin. The idea that some day I might meet my love is the only thing that is keeping me alive. I cannot see this as a sin. It is only love. To love someone and loose yourself. I can’t imagine anything more beautiful.
I hope you will post this blogg, tho it is lengthy. I welcome and comments or advice
Hello dreamer,
my experience is slightly different. I grew up with Swami in my life, though my parents left the Sai center long ago. I have always had Swami there to guide me and He has given me many wonderful dreams and experiences, and I believe He understands me more than many people do. I was born female, but I grew up feeling like a male- in fact my wishes of attending school to be with Swami always involved me as one of Swami's boys. (I live in the USA). It has been a long arduous journey to come out to myself and my family with confidence and without being too polluted by politicalized notions of what it means to be transgender, or in your case, gay. At the core it is not wrong, in fact many cultures (including hinduism) recognize it. There are transgender narratives in the Ramayana, and if only I grew up in another culture I would not have to battle anyone to just be myself. All I want to do is love Swami- He is my true love, and my only friend. I only trust His love. The fact that I love Him as His boy, and not his girl, should not phase other devotees.
When I started to get involved with LGBT movement I became exposed to a general focus on the sexual experience of being LGBT, but I do not agree with this being the focus. It is politicized and corrupt in my opinion. I remember one thing: Swami says the heart is not a musical instrument to be played anytime you want. I think He is right, you cannot play with other peoples hearts, and this idea prevented me from indulging in promiscuity. Now, I met by pure chance and innocence my girlfriend. We are very committed to each other and plan to adopt and raise foster children. To me, this would be a better focus for the LGBT movement. While straight couples may have a duty to each other and to raise children with love and to be good people, LGBT families have the duty to care for the children left behind. Those without parents, or who are so disadvantaged their parents cannot care for them and provide them love.
To me it is a blessing to be transgender. Although, I am having trouble coming out to other Sai devotees, I know there is nothing wrong with me, or with you or anyone like either of us. There is great diversity in nature and we should embrace everyone with love and encourage truly loving acts.
peace be with you!
Sairam
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i said there were transgender narratives in the ramayana- but this isnt true...its in the mahabaratha. my bad, lol...
Courageous entries here. Sairam for sharing your stories. Baba's heart has room enough for all of us.
Dear Sathya!
I was so deeply touched by your words here. I myself am a Psychiatrist designated for Transgender people to clarify whether they can get hormonetherapy or surgery. This is not an easy task being Swamis devotee and not knowing what He sais about this topic. My heart is touched by each person who comes to me with such suffering. Your words match my feelings in this matter and they came just in time for me because I am giving a talk in this behalf. To connect Swamis teachings with gender and sexuality issues (as I am also giving a talk in Sexuality in general shortly...) is challenging. I have been assigned with these tasks eventhough I would rather „just“ talk about spirituality in Psychiatry. But I guess these issues are very important to be enlightened and infused with Swamis Love in the Western world.
Wishing you all the best for your path with Swami by your side
Sairam
Please dont feel bad because of your sexuality, it is something you cant control and there is nothing wrong with being part of the LGBTQ+ community, whichever so called "Guru" said that it was wrong, dont listen to them please. Swami says love all serve all, that Guru is against what Swami says
Dear Children of Sai
Jai Sai Ram. My heart goes out to each and everyone of you. I feel deep in my heart that everyone is Sai's child and His love is unconditional and ever pervading, regardless of sexual orientation, gender identity, race, religion, class and creed. Why should it matter who you love? As long as you love, then you will always be Swami's Bhakta. At the end of the day, heterosexual or homosexual, we are, essentially, just souls loving other souls.Nameless,faceless,gender-less spirits of the Divine that yearn to Love. Who that may be, how that may be and where that may be is irrelevant.
In the words of our Sai Ma: 'Love All, Serve All. Help Ever, Hurt Never.'
May Sai continue to guard and guide each and everyone of you. May Peace, Love and Light constantly surround you. And may you never lose your magic, your faith and your ability to love. OSR.
With Love
Sai's child
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